Boys Night Out
by starlightdog5
Summary: It was supposed to be a simple boys night out with the dwarves at the Rabbit Hole but David finds himself drowning in drinks and other hilarious situations when Captain Hook and Robin Hood show up. (OneShot: Snowing, and implied Captain Swan/Outlaw Queen)


"You kicked him out?"

Snow gave her daughter a look that clearly expressed: _give me a break_. "Don't sound so surprised. You know what it's like to be pregnant, sometimes you just want to be alone."

Emma plopped her elbows on the counter and palmed her face. "I think you got your definition of alone wrong. I'm here."

"Yes but," Snow leant down to the oven, that is, leant down as best as a pregnant woman could in these situations. Without that much of a struggle she opened the door and slid out a sheet of chocolate chip cookies. "You're different from David. I love him and he means well but he can be a little overwhelming sometimes. Maybe overprotective is the best way to put it."

"Uh huh…."Emma drawled, not too sure how to respond. She had been in jail when she had been pregnant with Henry and there hadn't been anyone there to be overwhelming or protective. Deep down a voice whispered, _I wish there had been _but Emma kept it at bay. It would have been unfair and hurtful to say Mary Margaret.

"You should have seen him when I was pregnant with you," Snow continued, oblivious to her daughter's thoughts. "He banned me from weapons, walks through the forest, horseback riding, even trips in the carriage when I got big enough. Again, I love the man, but sometimes I need a breather."

Emma took a sip of her hot cocoa. "Okay, so you needed some girl time."

"Exactly. Besides, we haven't seen each other in a year!"

Emma scoffed. "You don't remember that year. For all you know we were apart for a couple hours."

Snow tsked and tapped Emma on the nose. "Fact still stands."

It was a very small but very cute thing to do, a kind of thing a mother would do, and Emma found herself smiling despite the hesitance that crept up her back. She ducked her head to hide it and asked hurriedly "So where'd you send him anyways?"

"Out with Leroy," Snow hummed as she began to scoop the cookies off the pan.

"Leroy" Emma echoed with some surprise. Thinking about it though, it probably wasn't that of an odd of a pairing to imagine. Forgetting the relationship of David and Leroy, there had probably been a lot of camaraderie between Charming and Grumpy. "So then they're at the Rabbit Hole."

"Ah, maybe, not sure." Snow paused for a second a she answered, her posture stiffening slightly, but Emma caught it and smirked.

"Oh yea, they're definitely at the Rabbit Hole. I wouldn't be surprised if dear old Dad comes home swaying on his feet tonight."

"Emma!" Snow admonished. "That's not-he won't-don't talk about your father like that!"

Emma snickered into her mug. "I think it'd be funny. I've never actually seen David drunk."

"Well compared to other people he's not that bad. He's a happy drunk actually, becomes best friends with everyone in a five foot radius."

Emma rolled her eyes. "Of course Prince Charming is a happy drunk."

Snow walked over to the counter and placed the plate of cookies in front of Emma. "It's not like you'll be around to see it anyways. Got to get back to Henry don't you?"

"Actually," Emma took a cookie and took a big chomp. "I'm in no rush to go anywhere. Henry's asleep and Granny's at the front desk all night. She promised me she'd keep an eye out. So everything's good as long as I get back before he wakes in the morning."

Snow narrowed her eyes. "So you want to see your father drunk."

Emma shrugged. "Hey, I think it will be some quality bonding time I've missed out on as a kid."

"I think your definition of bonding is a little skewed."

Emma grinned and grabbed the plate. "Come on, let's go see what movie is on. I'm guessing we've got a long night ahead of us."

* * *

Charming gulped down his sixth-maybe seventh?-mug of beer.

He was having fun…sort of. Well, maybe not so much and that's why he was racing through his drinks, just waiting for the moment for the booze to kick in. His tolerance was a hell of a lot higher then he remembered. Maybe he should switch to the hard stuff.

"Come on Charming, come play!" Grump called over from the pool table.

David waved him off with a smile and turned back to the bar. Usually him and Grumpy, and all the dwarves for that matter, had a great time together. There had been enough of embarrassing nights back in the Enchanted Forest that he didn't care to recall. But since the whole people-missing-then-turning-into-flying-monkeys-business good times were hard to find. Only Grump and Happy were left at this point and all they could do on this supposed boys night out was drown in the beer and talk about their missing brothers. Not that he could blame them, if someone in his family was missing he'd sure as hell not be spending his time getting drunk at a bar.

But Snow had insisted. Like, really insisted. She'd all but shoved him out the door ordering him to have some "fun" and not stress over the town for once. But he was their Prince, wasn't it his duty to worry?

"'Ello mate. Why the long face?"

David glanced to his right to see the stool that had been empty all night being sat on by Captain Hook. "Hook" he greeted in a clipped tone. "What brings you here?"

"Showing our newest residence a good time." He replied with a grin and flourished his hand to the next stool over where Robin Hood was beginning to take a seat. "After we talked a bit at the hospital and he told me of his current living situation I just had to take the chap out for a drink."

"Oh yea," Charming said as his memory of the previous day came back. "You're part of the group camping out at boundary."

"Living like barbarians," Hook tsked with a shake of his head.

"Oi," Robin protested. "I'd rather much have the solid ground beneath my body then the rocking of some sodding ship _pirate_."

"Watch it there _thief_," Hook warned with a dangerous smile. "I take very strong offense to someone insulting my lady."

"Ignore him," Charming advised with a chuckle. "He can be a bit touchy with certain subjects."

"Touchy?" Hook growled.

Charming smirked. "_Touchy_. Now, let me but you both drinks. And besides, nothing beats the warmth of the bed of the master suite in the castle."

Both the men grumbled about "Bloody royals" as David waved the bartender down but nonetheless let the Prince buy their first round.

* * *

"Pool?" Robin inquired, looking oddly at the cue in his hand and then down to the green carpeted table. "I don't understand, there's no water present."

"It's not really a pool," Charming explained as he began to set the balls up. "It's only called that because…well because…you know, I don't really know why it's called that."

Hook shook his head as he took a seat at the high counter next to the table. "This bloody world and their nonsensical words."

"Not playing Captain?" Charming inquired as he took his own cue.

"I'll pass." He replied and raised his drink. "Much better company over here."

Charming leant toward Robin and whispered, "It's cause of the hook. He tried once and barely hit one ball."

Robin glanced over his shoulder and snickered. "I'd imagine it does get in the way sometimes."

"Oi, what are you two laughing about?" Hook snapped, his hook hitting down onto the oak counter. "I thought you were playing a game not gossiping like old maids."

"Nothing _mate,_" Charming assured. "Nothing at all. Now come on Hood, let's play."

* * *

"No way that was your first game ever. That's just-it's not possible! You got them all in-in like _minutes_!"

Robin shrugged his shoulders. "It was just like shooting an arrow really. Point and aim."

"That's right Dave, _point and aim_." Hook slapped the Prince hard on the back. "Now buy the man your agreed upon wager. What was it again? Three rounds of shots?"

Charming scowled and shrugged away the Pirate's hand. "Yea, yea, three rounds. Why don't you mind your own business pirate?"

"No need to be sour your Majesty," Hook laughed. "Take the loss like a man."

"At least I actually played the game," Charming muttered before he ordered the shots from the bartender.

* * *

"Who was that?" Emma inquired as Snow hung up the phone.

Snow walked back over to the couch with a concerned look on his face. "Leroy, he was just calling to say he left the bar."

Emma glanced to the clock and raised her eyebrows. "Only ten minutes past midnight. I have to say I'm a little disappointed."

"Don't speak so soon. David didn't go with him."

"What?"

"Leroy said he and Happy weren't in the best of moods so they were ready to call it a night but David found….other company."

"Other company? Who else would David stay and drink with-" The answer hit her like a pack of bricks before she could even finish the question. It wasn't too hard to figure out. It wasn't like David had a lot of drinking buddies. And there was always one person other than Leroy in Storybrooke who would always be up for a drink, no matter the time or day. "Hook"

Mary Margaret nodded her head. "Hook. And apparently Robin Hood."

"That is the…weirdest group I've ever heard of. I didn't even know either of them were friends with Hood, we just met him the other day."

Snow shrugged. "Apparently so."

"Well, now that Hook's involved, I think we better pick another movie."

* * *

"Those were bloody awful," Hook gagged as he slapped his shot glass down onto the bar. "What in the blazing hell did you call it?"

Charming's body did its own involuntary shiver as the cool liquid slipped down his throat. "Jager"

A cough bubbled up Robin's throat. "I agree with the Captain. The first three were bearable but that last one, _ugh_."

"Hey, it's not my choice. I heard Emma mention it once and thought why not."

Hook eagerly returned back to his tumbler of rum and took a greedy swallow."Well I must talk with Swan about her drinking choices. That was deplorable."

"Speaking of Emma…" David swallowed back some of his vodka. He wasn't sure if he should pry because if Emma wanted him to know something then she'd tell him herself. The problem was, Emma wasn't talking. And David was really done waiting. "Mind filling me in about this guy she was about to marry?" After they had all headed back home that night Emma had simply said it was some man she had dated for a while, that she hadn't even said yes to the proposal, and he ended up being some flying monkey. _No big deal _she had assured before leaving the loft to go back to Granny's with Henry.

Hook grinned as if he knew exactly what thoughts were passing through David's mind. "She didn't tell you herself?"

"She told me…a little."

"Ah, that's our Swan, always giving the bare of minimum and leaving you hungry for more."

"_My_ Swan," David growled instinctively. "Now if you're gonna talk, talk. If not shut up."

"Still taking your bloody time warming up to me Dave? After all we've been through?" Hook asked with a nudge to te shoulder. "Alright, alright, don't get your knickers in a bunch. I don't know much about him myself besides the few times I saw them together and what she told me. His name was Walsh. He _seemed _like a decent enough fellow. Emma said they'd been together for eight months and that they had been…" Hook swallowed thickly as a somber look crossed his face.

David tried not to notice it because he knew exactly why it was difficult for Hook to talk about this. But honestly, it wasn't something he wanted to swell about tonight. He was supposed to be having fun for God's sake.

"Happy." Hook finally said. "She'd said they'd been happy. But once I returned her memories to her she realized it would never work and went to end it. That's when she found out his true nature. And that, I'm afraid, is all I know on the subject."

"Bloody bad luck" Robin commented before taking a sip of his glass.

David silently nodded his head. Poor Emma. As if her love life hadn't been difficult enough.

Robin leant his elbows on the bar. "Just to check, we're talking about the pretty blonde from the other day right?"

Both David and Hook's head snapped in the archer's direction with icy glares.

"That's my _daughter_." David growled. Did he have to deal with yet another man going after his daughter's affection? Another thief to boot. Why in the hell didn't any of these men have respectable pasts? At least he had been an honest to God shepherd.

Robin raised his hands up in surrender. "No offense meant, I assure you. It was a compliment really."

"Best keep your compliments to yourself then mate." Hook said somberly.

The not too subtle suggestion caused a sudden look of realization to take over Robin's features. "_Oh_…oh, I apologize friend. It hadn't been that apparent then but now, well, it makes sense now."

"What makes sense?" David demanded as the bartender refilled his glass.

Robin nodded his head towards Hook. "You and Lady Swan. You two are together."

David sputtered on his drink, the vodka going the very wrong way in his throat, and Hook grinned cockily.

"Why, now that you mention it-" Hook began.

"_They're not_." David interrupted, blocking Hook's image from Robin. "They are not, in any way, together. _At all_."

Hook bent around Charming with his signature smirk on his face. "_Yet_. We're not together _yet_."

"Hook I swear to God-"

"Come on mate. I thought you finally accepted us-"

"_Us_? There is no _us _you stupid pirate-"

"Alright there, I think it's time for everyone to calm down!" Robin intervened with a nervous laugh. "Sour subject, got it. Won't bring it up again. How about I buy the next rounds of shots? Not Jager, I promise."

* * *

"What made you think challenging an archer to darts was any kind of smart?" David inquired as he slumped against the wall. He and Hook watched with awed yet very drunk eyes as Robin hit mark after mark on the dart board.

"He drank near his body weight." Hook spat between gritted teeth.

"And you think pirates are the only people who can hold their liquor?" Robin asked cheekily over his shoulder. "And I would say your turn but I believe I just won."

David let out bark of laughter. "At least I had the slightest better chance at pool."

Hook stomped over to the table and grabbed his drink. "Shove off."

"Aw, you hurt his feelings." David cooed, poking his leather jacket. "Look at him pout."

"David I will cut you." Hook warned with a flourish of his hook.

David made a _psh _sound. "Do it and see how thin your chances with Emma get."

Now_ that_ effectively shut the pirate up.

"Speaking of women…." Robin licked at his lips like they had suddenly got dry with nerves. "I have an inquiry, nothing of importance really, I was just wondering…" A drunk hiccup suddenly burst from his lips. "Oh, excuse me-"

"Got your eye on someone Hood?" Hook asked with a sly grin. "Well do tell."

"She, well, I don't even _know _who she is really-"

Charming rolled his eyes. "Spit it out will you."

"She has short black hair and ah, oh I don't know, was wearing really red paint on her lips."

Hook and David looked at each other instantly and shared large near ridiculous smiles.

"It's stupid really. Shouldn't even have mentioned it." Robin finished with a mutter. "I need a new drink."

"Was she wearing dark clothing? High heels?" David asked eagerly.

Hook jumped in line immediately. "Where'd you see her? The place they call town hall?"

The barrage of questions muddled Robin's already very muddled mind and he couldn't quite remember the order they were given let alone trying to answer one of them. "I-uh, I dunno. I-God I'm drunk. I shouldn't have even said anything-"

"Regina" David and Hook answered simultaneously. "She's the mayor."

"_Mayor_?" Robin exclaimed. "Isn't the mayor the Evil Queen?"

"Oh, that." David scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "Well, why don't we get you that drink and talk a little more…"

* * *

"_Pregnant_!" David exclaimed as he slammed his drink onto the bar. The see through liquid sloshed up the glass and splattered on the wood. "I mean, you go to bed one night no baby and then the next morning _bam_! Baby bump the size of a pumpkin!"

"Bloody ludicrous." Hook proclaimed.

Robin nodded his head. "Inconceivable."

"What do I even do? How do I even handle it? And this is me right now imagine how Snow feels! Just-it's just-_a baby!_"

"Bar keep!" Hook shouted. "Another glass for my mate here!"

* * *

"What luck is that?" Robin groaned, scratching roughly at the scruff on his face. "You miss one curse only to be swept up by the next. And who the hell _does _that anyway? Two curses? _Two bloody curses?_"

"Villains" David spat. "Always messing up people's lives willy nilly. It's just plain rude."

Hook leant back in his chair with a wide grin. "Bad luck unless you're me chaps. _I've _managed to bypass both curses."

"Shut the hell up Hook," Robin groaned. "You're very full of yourself you know, anyone tell you that before?"

"Alright Hood, you're well enough with aiming but an bloody arrow is different from a sword. Let's go at it right now. Outside!"

"Sit down Hook," Charming ordered in his Princely tone. He grabbed him by the shoulder and pushed him back onto his stool just as he shot up. "I told you Hood, watch the touchy subjects. His ego falls under that category."

"_I'm not bloody touchy!_"

* * *

The umpteenth shot of night slid down the men's throats.

"Eight months!" Hook complained. "She knows this-this _monkey _for eight months and is all set to marry him. I just got her to start using my birth name for Christ's sake!"

"Women" Robin agreed with a nod.

"Don't worry mate," David assured, clasping him on the shoulder. "She's different with you. I see it, _we all see it_! It's just gonna take some time."

"A _monkey _Dave!" Hook exclaimed. "I got beat out by a bloody monkey. What kind of hope do I have?"

"Remember what you told me!" David suddenly said, his tone growing deadly serious. "Back in Neverland. _There's always hope_."

Robin raised his glass in the air. _"Always!_"

* * *

"Robin and Regina sitting in a tree…"

"What on Earth are you singing?" Hook asked in between bouts of laughter, the image of Charming singing-and singing extremely badly-too much to handle sitting up.

Robin glowered at him, a unmistakable blush on his cheeks. "Yea it's awful."

Charming gasped, almost as if the two just admitted to not knowing the Earth was round. "How do you not know the song?! It's the song!"

Hook kept right on laughing, now both at Charming and Robin, and the archer was doing his best to look unaffected (and failing miserably).

"_The song_," Hook wheezed, "Right, very informative. Why don't you sing the rest of it to jog our memories?"

"You better not!" Robin cried.

* * *

"Six o'clock!" Emma exclaimed as she heard a very noise pair of feet stumbling up the stairs outside the door. "You owe me breakfast at Granny's tomorrow."

Snow huffed and crossed her shoulders. "I'll focus on being annoyed about that right after I chew out my husband out for staying out till _six in the morning_."

Emma fell against the couch with a laugh. "I thought you wanted some alone time!"

"Yes but this-this is just ridiculous!"

Something, or presumably someone, fell hard against the front door. Muffled curses followed and then the sound of jingling keys. Snow watched the door knob shake with narrowed eyes as Emma just couldn't stop laughing.

Finally, after ages and a set of more curses, the door flung open and David fell inside. Fell face first that is. Apparently he was leaning a little too heavily on the door as he was trying to unlocked.

"Damn it," He groaned as his fact met the hard wooden floor.

"David!" Snow hissed with vibrating anger. At least now Emma had the decency to contain her laughter. Still, her lips squirmed from trying not to smile and chuckles kept bubbling up her throat.

David raised his head up, a goody smile plastered on his face. "Hey Snow! And Emma! You're here too!"

Emma waved her hand with a grin as Snow pushed up from the couch and marched over to her husband. Even pregnant she looked pretty threatening. "You're drunk!" She snapped.

"That…I…am!" David agreed as he tried, and failed, to pull himself on his feet. "Very, very, very drunk to be accurate."

"_Mate!_" A voice suddenly boomed from the hallway.

And just like that, Emma stopped laughing.

Hook came stumbling through the doorway moments later, just as plastered as his fallen friend. At least he had a bit more of coherency to not fall down onto the floor.

"You left me stranded down there!" He accused with a pointed finger and swift kick to the ass. "Bloody traitor."

"Every man for himself!" David snapped back as he crawled messily away from him. "You fell all by yourself, you can get up all by yourself. And stay away from my ass!"

Hook rolled his eyes that then so happened to land on Emma who at this point was looking just as every bit pissed off as her mother. "Swan!" He greeted with (what he thought) was a sultry grin. However, in his state of being it was a very lopsided and not all together attractive on any level. But deep down, even though Emma would adamantly deny it, it looked a little cute on him. Not that she'd ever say.

Instead she went with a very cool and somber, "Hook"

He sauntered over to the couch, completely ignoring his fallen mate and his very annoyed wife. "Fancy meeting you here. And its Killian now love, remember?"

"I was about to say the same thing," Snow interrupted. "What exactly are you doing here Hook?"

Finally-_finally_-David got himself on his feet. "I invited him to stay the night."

Emma snorted. "Alright, I think this bromance you two got going on has gone a little too far."

The jab made all three fairytale characters gave her identical peculiar looks, the joke and implication she was making apparently lost on all of them. "Wrong crowd" Emma murmured to herself.

"It's cold out Snow," David continued. "And he's on a _ship_. Besides, Emma's bed is free now since she's staying at Granny's with Henry."

"I would hate to impose my lady," Hook cut in, flashing her his most charming smile. "And if it's an inconvenience to you I will gladly go back to the Jolly, just say the word."

Snow shot Emma a look, one mixed with annoyance and exasperation, but the blonde simply shrugged her shoulders. Hook hadn't asked for _her_ for permission. Besides, it would be more then hilarious to have her mother deal with two drunk men for the night. After another moment of thought Snow blew out a huff of air. "No, it's fine. You can stay. Like David said we do have the free bed."

Hook bowed. "I'm forever grateful. Now Swan, let's take advantage of you being here and open a bottle!" He promptly made his way over to the kitchen, as if he knew just exactly where they kept the liquor (did he?), but rather comically tripped on the stool on the way there. With a _oomph _his fell to a knee and clutched at the counter for support.

"My knight in shining armor." Emma commented dryly.

"Hey!" David protested. "I'm your knight in shining armor!"

"Your father's too right there," Hook agreed as he pulled himself back up. "_I'm _your pirate in sinful leather."

Snow groaned. "Oh God. No more drinking, especially for you two!"

David pouted like a child. "But Snow..."

"_No!_" She growled with a quick slap to his shoulder.

"What happened to Hood anyway?" Emma inquired. "Didn't extend your little sleepover invitation to him?"

David waved his hand as he yawned. "He's lived in the forest for almost all his life, he's fine. Besides, he got a whole band of-what'd he call them? Oh, yea, Merry Men to go back to, Hook has-"

_No one_.

He had caught himself before he said it but the word seemed to echo loudly throughout the room regardless.

Snow bit her bottom lip and stepped into David's side, his arm instinctively curling around her waist. He looked to her for help but her eyes held no answers to give. Even Emma had to duck her head towards the floor in the awkwardness of not knowing how to amend the suddenly tense situation.

"Sorry mate," David finally said after a moment. "I didn't mean-"

"'Tis fine" Hook immediately interrupted. "No offense meant and none taken. Besides, facts a facts right?"

"I think everyone's just a bit too drunk and tired." Snow piped up with a smile. "It's way past bed time."

David nodded his head and agreement and allowed himself to be guided towards the bedroom. "Night Hook. Night Emma!"

"Good night." They both answered and watched the two struggle up the stairs. For a pregnant woman Snow could sure how a stumbling drunk very well.

"Well," Emma rose from the couch and grabbed her coat. "That's my cue to go."

"You sure Swan?" Killian asked, taking a step right into her personal space as he os often did. "I wouldn't mind some company on this very cold night."

Emma rolled her eyes. "Nice try buddy. But in a couple of hours Henry is going to be awake and I'd like to catch some shut eye before then."

"Aye, the lad. Almost forgotten." He nodded his head. "But do you need an escort to the Inn then? I could-"

"I drove," She replied with a shrug. "Thank you though, I appreciate it."

"Anytime Swan." Then Hook shuffled to the side, allowing Emma to pass and walk towards the door. "I wish you a good night then." He said softly as her hand landed on the knob.

Emma looked over her shoulder, giving him one of her rare genuine smiles. "You too. And let's not make getting my father drunk a regular thing hm? Otherwise I think Mary Margaet might blow a fuse."

Hook chuckled. "Aye, that maybe for the best."

Suddenly, she grew nervous and bit her bottom lip. "…but, every once in a while, I don't think it'd be the worse thing. You two are _mates_"

The statement made a small ounce of hope flutter in Hook's chance. "Maybe, perhaps, you'd even join us."

Emma opened the door with a nod and right before she shut it said, "Perhaps."

As Hook went to bed there was one thing going through his mind. He hoped he'd wake up tomorrow morning, memories intact, and David as well, so he could thank his mate for reminding him there was always hope.

* * *

**Authors Note: **This episode forced me to right it. I really had no say in the matter. Apologies on any mistakes, written kinda in a hurry. (PS, what are we calling this amazing Brot3p?)


End file.
